Romancing the Authors Welcomes Novelists Stephen and Janet Bly!

Today at Words to Go, I’m pleased to welcome Stephen and Janet Bly, two novelists who also happen to be married. Stephen’s most recently released novel is The Land Tamers. I was discussing romance and marriage with them recently. In the midst of our conversation, I discovered that they were living a life rewritten by circumstances. I asked if they would mind sharing their story with us today and they graciously consented. Welcome Steve and Janet!

STEVE: We’re glad to be here!

JANET: Thanks, Patty!

PATTY: Why don’t you start by sharing the story of your trip to Paris and then how things began to seemingly crumble following that romantic trip?

STEVE: First, I’ll share this scripture that Janet and I trust in often:

“I have learned the secret of being content in any
and every situation, whether well fed or hungry,
whether living in plenty or want.” Philippians 4:12 NIV

STEVE: Saint Paul’s principle is a great model for economic stressors. But his attitude also works well for the changing seasons of marriage too. . .for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. Marriage, what we’ve called ‘the ultimate invasion of privacy,’ comes with a guarantee that you’ll experience both good and bad mixed together. That’s what we’ve realized through the precious privilege of our 45 years together.

PATTY: Why was it so important that you travel to Paris?

JANET: Paris has been a destination place for me ever since my years of studying French in high school and college.

STEVE: And I insisted that Rome was the city of my choice. So, we found a European tour that included both, plus Venice, Lucerne and London thrown in too.

JANET: Bussing along the French and Italian countrysides was magnifique.

STEVE: As it turned out, we celebrated Janet’s February birthday that year in Paris.
We stood that wintry day, snowflakes falling all around us, hand in hand at the Eiffel Tower, more romantic than we could have dreamed.

JANET: I thought it was the top of my birthdays we’d celebrated together.

STEVE: Most surprising, I discovered Paris to be my favorite tourist stop, too, even over the ancient ruins of Rome.

JANET: Then we went home. And that was when we got the news.

STEVE: Within two weeks after our return from gondola serenades and a heart stopping cable car ride up the Alps, we huddled in a tiny, sterile doctor’s exam room. We listened to the light banter in the reception room, a surreal sound as we waited for the biopsy report. We had discussed the possibility of the diagnosis, but nothing quite prepared us for the official announcement that stunned us: “Mr. Bly, you have an aggressive prostate cancer.”

JANET: We couldn’t breathe. We wouldn’t think past that harsh fact. These words threatened to suffocate us, consume us, shatter our peace, prick our faith. Cancer changed our outlook. It challenged our future together. It questioned our financial foundation. Sometimes life tosses a bomb like that. We were thankful we still had Paris.

PATTY: Shock is very debilitating. How did that news affect your relationship?

STEVE: In season, out of season, we’re striving to learn the secret of being content whatever the circumstances, whatever the reports are from each doctor visit and test taken. And we’ve fully enjoyed the months we’ve been given of reprieve between treatments.

JANET: This news intensified our already close relationship, making it dearer than ever in very nitty, gritty ways. Steve had to adjust in major ways. He went from physically and psychologically and sometimes emotionally taking care of me to now needing me to take care of him. This has been a difficult transition. But I’ve appreciated being able to do for Steve in ways he refused or didn’t seem to need before.

STEVE: I’ve even apologized for not allowing her to be on the giving end more in our relationship.

PATTY: If you don’t mind sharing, what other emotional walls have you hit with Steve’s diagnosis?

JANET: The news changed other aspects too. We don’t like traveling without the other as much as we used to, unless it’s unavoidable or the Lord gives us strong direction otherwise. Suddenly, every hour that we get to be together is a special gift, a treasure. Nothing’s taken for granted. Every touch is sweeter. The laughter and shared events seem brighter.

PATTY: That was very common for us right after we lost Jessica. We could not bear to be apart. When mortality stares you down, you begin to count every second in life as precious.
Since we’re discussing romance this Valentine’s week, when one spouse is struggling with health issues, what sort of advice can you give them about keeping romance alive when every day is a struggle?

STEVE: Follow your heart and step it up a notch from the norm of your practiced and sometimes routine years together. Be honest about how this altered state affects your view of your life together. What are you willing and able to be for each other? What’s off the table? Figure out little daily things that keep the home fires alive.

JANET: I’m determined to quickly forgive a perceived slight, a short retort because Steve’s worried or not feeling well. But sometimes I fail to respond with the patience I want. I’ve had to learn to shake it off and realize I’m no saint, even under these dire circumstances.

STEVE: I’ve been writing one sentence or one-word notes on heart post-its and sticking them on the bathroom mirror every night for Janet, so she knows I’m thinking about her, and she knows what I’m going through too. “I hurt today” keeps us connected as much as “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

PATTY: How wonderfully honest and straightforward to find loving solutions to the complications of illness.

JANET: I don’t press for details when I know Steve is struggling with a bad dream or an attack from the spiritual enemy. I pray daily for him and stay close, letting him know that he still seems desirable to her and that he’s close in her thoughts.

STEVE: I took up golf again, a sport I had mostly put aside since college days. This helped me both physically and mentally.

JANET: Even though I don’t join him on the links, I enjoy riding in the cart and it gives us another topic to discuss that majors on something he does well. When he feels good about himself, we can feel good about us too.

PATTY: You’re truly showing us all how to live life in a full partnership. What else brings those simple pleasures to your lives?

JANET: We watch romantic movies together, lately from the 1930s and 40s. We talk about the characters and how we relate or not, and what memories this brings up from our own dating and younger days together. This provides a wonderful relief from only discussing about aches and pains and lack of energy or old age.

PATTY: It sounds as if you’ve rewritten the way you look at life even how you communicate to each other.

STEVE: All the changing health-issue needs has given us new love languages for each other. Some days I need a back massage more than I need a kiss. But some of what is lost doesn’t have to be a barrier to intimacy. In fact, this can often reveal a desperate need for each other even more.

PATTY: So the physical barriers can be overcome because you’re both working it out together.

STEVE: There’s always a way to show love in ways that fill the needs, especially when you’re determined enough to bring it honestly to God in prayer and when you’re willing to talk to your partner about the gut-level stuff. This is true no matter what sort of physical and emotional changes happen.

PATTY: Steve and Janet Bly, your lives are a living testament to those who see pain as the end of life. What you’ve taught us here today is that suffering can also teach us how to live our lives in a manner that continues to glorify God and strengthen us. If souls grow through suffering, the two of you will cast very long shadows in eternity. I pray God ministers his healing touch on your lives. You are dearly appreciated for your honesty and authenticity her today on Words to Go.

Tomorrow a beloved and bestselling author will chat about the greatest romance of all time.
There are books to give away. Steve and Janet Bly, Karen Ball, myself, and tomorrow’s mystery guest will be giving away a virtual book bonanza tomorrow. Remember that each day of posting enters your name in the book give-away again.

Thank you for visiting us today with our very special friends, Steve and Janet Bly!

Romancing the Authors Week Welcomes Romance Author Deb Raney

Reminder!! All bloggers posting this week on WTG are entered in Friday's big book give-away! Don't forget to leave your feedback!!!


Welcome to Romancing the Authors Week! It’s Valentine’s Week and love is in the air. But no one knows better than romance authors that love can be painful. Today Words to Go welcomes guest novelist, Deborah Raney, a romance writer whose novel A Vow to Cherish was made into a television film. She has won a Rita Award, the Holt Medallion, and the National Reader’s Choice Award. Her recently released novel is Leaving November. I have loved Deb for many years as a sister in literature and life.
Welcome Deb, to Words to Go!

DEB: Thanks, Patty!

PATTY: Deb, it’s true that novels are our bread and butter. But our readers tend to like happy endings, stories fiery with the passion of heroes and heroines who overcome life’s struggles but a world where all trials work out with a happy ending. You and I are each married to the same guy after all these years. But I know that for Randy and me our lifelong romance has been a lot of work. Would you say that is true for you too?

DEB: Oh, my yes! Ken likes to say we've been happily married for thirty years. Well, that's a nice thought, but um...we've been married for almost thirty-five years! ; ) We say often that if not for our commitment to each other and the Lord, we could have found a dozen good reasons to split up over the years. I do think as we've gotten older it's become easier. We've come to realize that there are a few issues we'll probably never see eye-to-eye on. But so many other things that we used to fight about have either become ridiculously unimportant, or we've finally, finally worked through them to a mutually agreeable solution.

PATTY: Have you redefined the word “romance” since you were young and coming-of-age?

DEB: Yes, but not in the way you might think. I grew up on a farm and saw my parents working together side-by-side. They had (and after 55 years together, still have) a wonderful relationship, but my mother didn't need flowers and candy and romantic getaways to feel loved by my dad. And it's a good thing. After spending sunup till sundown in the field, coming home to milk the cows, and all the other chores the farm required, there wasn't often time for traditional "romance." But Mother and Daddy enjoyed each other's company wherever they were. Add to that the fact that I grew up with very little exposure to television and movies and you'll know that I didn't come to marriage with unrealistic expectations of romantic love. So imagine my surprise (and joy) when God gave me a man who is the king of flowers and candlelight and picnics in front of the fireplace.

PATTY: It’s refreshing. My man is like that too.

DEB: My dad is no less loving or caring than my husband––they both would give their very lives for their families––but they demonstrate their love in different ways. I think women of all ages need to realize that men show their love in a whole spectrum of ways, and not always the ways we wives would like. We each need to learn to understand the nuances of the "love language" our own husband speaks, and accept his offerings as if he were speaking in our tongue, without comparing him to someone else's husband.

PATTY: How has your faith helped you and your hubby continue to find solid footing in your lifelong commitment to one another?

DEB: When two people are trying individually––in their imperfect, stumbling ways––to be more like Jesus every day, even when selfishness and pride (and the enemy of our souls) try to tear them apart, they usually eventually come to their senses and do the right thing. So many times, in our marriage, when one of us is struggling, the other will reach out with understanding and forgiveness. So many times, when I've wronged my husband, he will make the first move to apologize for the small part he might have played in our disagreement. Nothing humbles me more quickly than a man who's 10 percent in the wrong, taking 90 percent of the blame. That makes it easy to fall into his arms with an apology, which makes it easy for him to forgive. And next time, when he's 90 percent wrong, I can be gracious and apologize first, because I remember when he did it for me. It's a wonderful, vicious circle that is exactly what God's grace is all about (except that he's always 100 percent!)

Another thing that Ken and I feel is all important is the effort we've made to spend time in God's Word and in prayer together, every weekday morning (and of course on Sunday in church and Sunday School). We were less successful at this when the kids were small, but boy do we notice a difference when we're faithful to keep that appointment! It's hard to be angry with a man who has held you in his arms and prayed for you that morning.

PATTY: Randy and I regret we took so long to reach that point. But more about that Wednesday. Deb, what advice would you like to give to others who might be struggling to stay in love?

DEB: First, kick the word D-I-V-O-R-C-E out of your marriage vocabulary. If it's not even an option on the table, you will be far more likely to do whatever it takes to work things out. Every couple, if they are honest, has struggled at some point to stay in love. It is during those times that commitment is the glue that holds a marriage together until love can be revived.

Secondly, I have never forgotten Dr. James Dobson's advice in his book, Emotions, Can You Trust Them? (P.S. The short answer is NO, you can't trust them!) Dr. Dobson's advice was: Whether you feel like it or not, do the loving thing; the loving feelings will follow. How true that has been for us. In the times when I've looked at my husband and thought, "what did I ever see in that man?" (and haven't we all been there at least once or twice in our marriages?) if I force myself to treat Ken as if he were my beloved, before long, I realize he has become my beloved! And that's a win/win position, because even if my loving behavior doesn't produce the same in my husband, I still have the satisfaction of knowing that in God's eyes, I am doing the right thing. Time and time again, Ken and I have seen God change each other's hearts and attitudes when we simply commit to be the one to do the right thing. And on the days when we're both doing the right thing? Ooh la la! : )

PATTY: What a great story, Deb, and a testament to a couple who’ve chosen to make unselfish commitments to each other. And I’ve known you for many years, so I can vouch for your sincerity. I’ve never known a happier person than Deb which is why I felt the nudge to ask her to chat today. I realize that many, many folks have stories that did not turn out so well. But in Deb’s story is such an important truth—three can make a marriage work—a very committed couple plus God.

DEB: And to promote Patty's series on romance, I'm giving away autographed copies of Insight, my newest novel just now showing up in bookstores from Steeple Hill Women's Fiction. I'll mail free copies to the first five readers who visit Patty's site and email me (debraney@mac.com) with the answer to this question:
"How long have Deb's parents been married?"

Today is the first day of Romancing the Authors Week on Words to Go, a week where authors share the pinnacles and pitfalls of being in love.

All bloggers posting will be entered in a book give-away. Friday I’ll give away THREE copies of Earthly Vows. Your name can be entered once a day or five times this week. Just post feedback, thoughts, and, of course, your own stories of love or love lost. You are dearly cherished, friends, no matter what your story.



Tomorrow! Romance author and editor Karen Ball shares how her own love life went from disaster to a higher plane.