Romancing the Authors Welcomes Novelists Stephen and Janet Bly!

Today at Words to Go, I’m pleased to welcome Stephen and Janet Bly, two novelists who also happen to be married. Stephen’s most recently released novel is The Land Tamers. I was discussing romance and marriage with them recently. In the midst of our conversation, I discovered that they were living a life rewritten by circumstances. I asked if they would mind sharing their story with us today and they graciously consented. Welcome Steve and Janet!

STEVE: We’re glad to be here!

JANET: Thanks, Patty!

PATTY: Why don’t you start by sharing the story of your trip to Paris and then how things began to seemingly crumble following that romantic trip?

STEVE: First, I’ll share this scripture that Janet and I trust in often:

“I have learned the secret of being content in any
and every situation, whether well fed or hungry,
whether living in plenty or want.” Philippians 4:12 NIV

STEVE: Saint Paul’s principle is a great model for economic stressors. But his attitude also works well for the changing seasons of marriage too. . .for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. Marriage, what we’ve called ‘the ultimate invasion of privacy,’ comes with a guarantee that you’ll experience both good and bad mixed together. That’s what we’ve realized through the precious privilege of our 45 years together.

PATTY: Why was it so important that you travel to Paris?

JANET: Paris has been a destination place for me ever since my years of studying French in high school and college.

STEVE: And I insisted that Rome was the city of my choice. So, we found a European tour that included both, plus Venice, Lucerne and London thrown in too.

JANET: Bussing along the French and Italian countrysides was magnifique.

STEVE: As it turned out, we celebrated Janet’s February birthday that year in Paris.
We stood that wintry day, snowflakes falling all around us, hand in hand at the Eiffel Tower, more romantic than we could have dreamed.

JANET: I thought it was the top of my birthdays we’d celebrated together.

STEVE: Most surprising, I discovered Paris to be my favorite tourist stop, too, even over the ancient ruins of Rome.

JANET: Then we went home. And that was when we got the news.

STEVE: Within two weeks after our return from gondola serenades and a heart stopping cable car ride up the Alps, we huddled in a tiny, sterile doctor’s exam room. We listened to the light banter in the reception room, a surreal sound as we waited for the biopsy report. We had discussed the possibility of the diagnosis, but nothing quite prepared us for the official announcement that stunned us: “Mr. Bly, you have an aggressive prostate cancer.”

JANET: We couldn’t breathe. We wouldn’t think past that harsh fact. These words threatened to suffocate us, consume us, shatter our peace, prick our faith. Cancer changed our outlook. It challenged our future together. It questioned our financial foundation. Sometimes life tosses a bomb like that. We were thankful we still had Paris.

PATTY: Shock is very debilitating. How did that news affect your relationship?

STEVE: In season, out of season, we’re striving to learn the secret of being content whatever the circumstances, whatever the reports are from each doctor visit and test taken. And we’ve fully enjoyed the months we’ve been given of reprieve between treatments.

JANET: This news intensified our already close relationship, making it dearer than ever in very nitty, gritty ways. Steve had to adjust in major ways. He went from physically and psychologically and sometimes emotionally taking care of me to now needing me to take care of him. This has been a difficult transition. But I’ve appreciated being able to do for Steve in ways he refused or didn’t seem to need before.

STEVE: I’ve even apologized for not allowing her to be on the giving end more in our relationship.

PATTY: If you don’t mind sharing, what other emotional walls have you hit with Steve’s diagnosis?

JANET: The news changed other aspects too. We don’t like traveling without the other as much as we used to, unless it’s unavoidable or the Lord gives us strong direction otherwise. Suddenly, every hour that we get to be together is a special gift, a treasure. Nothing’s taken for granted. Every touch is sweeter. The laughter and shared events seem brighter.

PATTY: That was very common for us right after we lost Jessica. We could not bear to be apart. When mortality stares you down, you begin to count every second in life as precious.
Since we’re discussing romance this Valentine’s week, when one spouse is struggling with health issues, what sort of advice can you give them about keeping romance alive when every day is a struggle?

STEVE: Follow your heart and step it up a notch from the norm of your practiced and sometimes routine years together. Be honest about how this altered state affects your view of your life together. What are you willing and able to be for each other? What’s off the table? Figure out little daily things that keep the home fires alive.

JANET: I’m determined to quickly forgive a perceived slight, a short retort because Steve’s worried or not feeling well. But sometimes I fail to respond with the patience I want. I’ve had to learn to shake it off and realize I’m no saint, even under these dire circumstances.

STEVE: I’ve been writing one sentence or one-word notes on heart post-its and sticking them on the bathroom mirror every night for Janet, so she knows I’m thinking about her, and she knows what I’m going through too. “I hurt today” keeps us connected as much as “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

PATTY: How wonderfully honest and straightforward to find loving solutions to the complications of illness.

JANET: I don’t press for details when I know Steve is struggling with a bad dream or an attack from the spiritual enemy. I pray daily for him and stay close, letting him know that he still seems desirable to her and that he’s close in her thoughts.

STEVE: I took up golf again, a sport I had mostly put aside since college days. This helped me both physically and mentally.

JANET: Even though I don’t join him on the links, I enjoy riding in the cart and it gives us another topic to discuss that majors on something he does well. When he feels good about himself, we can feel good about us too.

PATTY: You’re truly showing us all how to live life in a full partnership. What else brings those simple pleasures to your lives?

JANET: We watch romantic movies together, lately from the 1930s and 40s. We talk about the characters and how we relate or not, and what memories this brings up from our own dating and younger days together. This provides a wonderful relief from only discussing about aches and pains and lack of energy or old age.

PATTY: It sounds as if you’ve rewritten the way you look at life even how you communicate to each other.

STEVE: All the changing health-issue needs has given us new love languages for each other. Some days I need a back massage more than I need a kiss. But some of what is lost doesn’t have to be a barrier to intimacy. In fact, this can often reveal a desperate need for each other even more.

PATTY: So the physical barriers can be overcome because you’re both working it out together.

STEVE: There’s always a way to show love in ways that fill the needs, especially when you’re determined enough to bring it honestly to God in prayer and when you’re willing to talk to your partner about the gut-level stuff. This is true no matter what sort of physical and emotional changes happen.

PATTY: Steve and Janet Bly, your lives are a living testament to those who see pain as the end of life. What you’ve taught us here today is that suffering can also teach us how to live our lives in a manner that continues to glorify God and strengthen us. If souls grow through suffering, the two of you will cast very long shadows in eternity. I pray God ministers his healing touch on your lives. You are dearly appreciated for your honesty and authenticity her today on Words to Go.

Tomorrow a beloved and bestselling author will chat about the greatest romance of all time.
There are books to give away. Steve and Janet Bly, Karen Ball, myself, and tomorrow’s mystery guest will be giving away a virtual book bonanza tomorrow. Remember that each day of posting enters your name in the book give-away again.

Thank you for visiting us today with our very special friends, Steve and Janet Bly!

Romancing the Authors Week Welcomes Romance Author Deb Raney

Reminder!! All bloggers posting this week on WTG are entered in Friday's big book give-away! Don't forget to leave your feedback!!!


Welcome to Romancing the Authors Week! It’s Valentine’s Week and love is in the air. But no one knows better than romance authors that love can be painful. Today Words to Go welcomes guest novelist, Deborah Raney, a romance writer whose novel A Vow to Cherish was made into a television film. She has won a Rita Award, the Holt Medallion, and the National Reader’s Choice Award. Her recently released novel is Leaving November. I have loved Deb for many years as a sister in literature and life.
Welcome Deb, to Words to Go!

DEB: Thanks, Patty!

PATTY: Deb, it’s true that novels are our bread and butter. But our readers tend to like happy endings, stories fiery with the passion of heroes and heroines who overcome life’s struggles but a world where all trials work out with a happy ending. You and I are each married to the same guy after all these years. But I know that for Randy and me our lifelong romance has been a lot of work. Would you say that is true for you too?

DEB: Oh, my yes! Ken likes to say we've been happily married for thirty years. Well, that's a nice thought, but um...we've been married for almost thirty-five years! ; ) We say often that if not for our commitment to each other and the Lord, we could have found a dozen good reasons to split up over the years. I do think as we've gotten older it's become easier. We've come to realize that there are a few issues we'll probably never see eye-to-eye on. But so many other things that we used to fight about have either become ridiculously unimportant, or we've finally, finally worked through them to a mutually agreeable solution.

PATTY: Have you redefined the word “romance” since you were young and coming-of-age?

DEB: Yes, but not in the way you might think. I grew up on a farm and saw my parents working together side-by-side. They had (and after 55 years together, still have) a wonderful relationship, but my mother didn't need flowers and candy and romantic getaways to feel loved by my dad. And it's a good thing. After spending sunup till sundown in the field, coming home to milk the cows, and all the other chores the farm required, there wasn't often time for traditional "romance." But Mother and Daddy enjoyed each other's company wherever they were. Add to that the fact that I grew up with very little exposure to television and movies and you'll know that I didn't come to marriage with unrealistic expectations of romantic love. So imagine my surprise (and joy) when God gave me a man who is the king of flowers and candlelight and picnics in front of the fireplace.

PATTY: It’s refreshing. My man is like that too.

DEB: My dad is no less loving or caring than my husband––they both would give their very lives for their families––but they demonstrate their love in different ways. I think women of all ages need to realize that men show their love in a whole spectrum of ways, and not always the ways we wives would like. We each need to learn to understand the nuances of the "love language" our own husband speaks, and accept his offerings as if he were speaking in our tongue, without comparing him to someone else's husband.

PATTY: How has your faith helped you and your hubby continue to find solid footing in your lifelong commitment to one another?

DEB: When two people are trying individually––in their imperfect, stumbling ways––to be more like Jesus every day, even when selfishness and pride (and the enemy of our souls) try to tear them apart, they usually eventually come to their senses and do the right thing. So many times, in our marriage, when one of us is struggling, the other will reach out with understanding and forgiveness. So many times, when I've wronged my husband, he will make the first move to apologize for the small part he might have played in our disagreement. Nothing humbles me more quickly than a man who's 10 percent in the wrong, taking 90 percent of the blame. That makes it easy to fall into his arms with an apology, which makes it easy for him to forgive. And next time, when he's 90 percent wrong, I can be gracious and apologize first, because I remember when he did it for me. It's a wonderful, vicious circle that is exactly what God's grace is all about (except that he's always 100 percent!)

Another thing that Ken and I feel is all important is the effort we've made to spend time in God's Word and in prayer together, every weekday morning (and of course on Sunday in church and Sunday School). We were less successful at this when the kids were small, but boy do we notice a difference when we're faithful to keep that appointment! It's hard to be angry with a man who has held you in his arms and prayed for you that morning.

PATTY: Randy and I regret we took so long to reach that point. But more about that Wednesday. Deb, what advice would you like to give to others who might be struggling to stay in love?

DEB: First, kick the word D-I-V-O-R-C-E out of your marriage vocabulary. If it's not even an option on the table, you will be far more likely to do whatever it takes to work things out. Every couple, if they are honest, has struggled at some point to stay in love. It is during those times that commitment is the glue that holds a marriage together until love can be revived.

Secondly, I have never forgotten Dr. James Dobson's advice in his book, Emotions, Can You Trust Them? (P.S. The short answer is NO, you can't trust them!) Dr. Dobson's advice was: Whether you feel like it or not, do the loving thing; the loving feelings will follow. How true that has been for us. In the times when I've looked at my husband and thought, "what did I ever see in that man?" (and haven't we all been there at least once or twice in our marriages?) if I force myself to treat Ken as if he were my beloved, before long, I realize he has become my beloved! And that's a win/win position, because even if my loving behavior doesn't produce the same in my husband, I still have the satisfaction of knowing that in God's eyes, I am doing the right thing. Time and time again, Ken and I have seen God change each other's hearts and attitudes when we simply commit to be the one to do the right thing. And on the days when we're both doing the right thing? Ooh la la! : )

PATTY: What a great story, Deb, and a testament to a couple who’ve chosen to make unselfish commitments to each other. And I’ve known you for many years, so I can vouch for your sincerity. I’ve never known a happier person than Deb which is why I felt the nudge to ask her to chat today. I realize that many, many folks have stories that did not turn out so well. But in Deb’s story is such an important truth—three can make a marriage work—a very committed couple plus God.

DEB: And to promote Patty's series on romance, I'm giving away autographed copies of Insight, my newest novel just now showing up in bookstores from Steeple Hill Women's Fiction. I'll mail free copies to the first five readers who visit Patty's site and email me (debraney@mac.com) with the answer to this question:
"How long have Deb's parents been married?"

Today is the first day of Romancing the Authors Week on Words to Go, a week where authors share the pinnacles and pitfalls of being in love.

All bloggers posting will be entered in a book give-away. Friday I’ll give away THREE copies of Earthly Vows. Your name can be entered once a day or five times this week. Just post feedback, thoughts, and, of course, your own stories of love or love lost. You are dearly cherished, friends, no matter what your story.



Tomorrow! Romance author and editor Karen Ball shares how her own love life went from disaster to a higher plane.

Romancing the Authors Week Book Give-Away

This week join Patty and bestselling authors each day as they chat about "The Pinnacles and Pitfalls of Being in Love." Three copies of Patty's novel Earthly Vows will be given away following a drawing Friday. Your name is entered each day for your blog post on that day. So if you post every day, that's five entries!

Here's Our Guest Line-up:

Monday: Join Patty and popular romance novelist Deb Raney as Deb talks about her own struggles as a wife and how she found a steady plane in her real-life romance.

Tuesday: Patty chats with romance author and head fiction editor Karen Ball. Karen shares how she and her hubby found restoration through a change in how they communicate.

Wednesday: Patty and her hubby, Senior Pastor Randy Hickman talk frankly about marital issues that nearly destroyed their marriage. From porn to the priesthood, the Hickmans share frankly their personal marriage transformation.

Thursday: Husband and wife writers Steve and Janet Bly share how quickly life can turn rhapsody to tragedy.

Mystery Guest Friday: A beloved bestselling novelist shares about the Greatest Romance of all time.

To win a copy of Patty's novel Earthly Vows, simply post once a day to have your name entered for a book give-away on Friday!

Please revisit Friday p.m. for winners' list. I'll need shipping addresses.

MYSTERY GUEST FRIDAYS Welcomes Bestselling Author Terri Blackstock!

Praying for our children is the topic today with our special Mystery Guest Friday author, bestselling novelist Terri Blackstock. Terri’s fiction is described as “Up All Night Fiction” because once you start reading one of her suspense novel’s you won’t want to put it down. Terri’s latest novel is entitled Dawn’s Light, and she has a new one releasing in a couple of weeks—Double Minds. I have to say that I’m also a big fan of Terri’s writing and she’s my dear friend too. Welcome, Terri!

TERRI: Thanks for inviting me, Patty. It’s great to be here talking about this important issue for Christians.

PATTY: Terri, you and I have been prayer partners over the past decade. As a matter of fact, you probably would have blackmail power over me, but then, it’s a reciprocal partnership, so I guess we’re both safe. That’s the beauty of having a prayer partner. Our kids are now grown, but that mom’s vigil has not stopped has it?

TERRI: No, it hasn’t. In fact, I find it much more difficult to be a mother of adult children than I did of young children. When they were still at home, I had more control over the things they did. If I saw them walking out in front of a truck, I could jerk them back. It’s been difficult finding the peace to know that I can’t be there to jerk them back anymore.

PATTY: Our children have come-of-age at the same time, so we’ve both had to learn to release them in a trust arrangement with God. What is key to you as a mom in trusting God with your kids?

TERRI: I can only do that through prayer. I’ve spent the last few years learning how to really be on my knees, figuratively and literally, for my children. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the way I pray, and when things are going well, I pray less. My resolution for 2009 is to get my prayer life organized and to learn to pray with more power. I had that in my mind, and I probably prayed about it off-handedly at some point or another, but here it is the second week of January and I had really done nothing to begin working on that. And then a couple of days ago the Lord directed my eyes to a book that’s been sitting on my bookshelf—How to Pray by R.A. Torrey.

PATTY: He’s a fav author in the Hickman library too.

TERRI: I’d read it when I was working on my last novel, Dawn’s Light, where I explored the subject of unanswered prayer. It’s very short, only 100 pages or so. And I felt the distinct impression that God wanted me to read it again. I started it this morning and was reminded why my prayers sometimes don’t have much power. Torrey says that when we pray, we should “have the thoughts of Him definitely in mind and be more taken up with Him than with [our] petition.”

I realized that never happens with me. I’m always more focused on my petitions than I am on God. But what if we went into His presence with awe and humility, taking our time and not just rattling off our list, realizing that God is bending down to hear us, that in getting His ear, we are truly taking these petitions to the One who can do something about them. That reminded me that I can go boldly to the throne of grace, and expect for God to answer.

But first I have to make sure that I’m really in His presence. When I do, that awe quiets me, and my prayer is filled with more reflection than it is with supplications.

And as I read this book, I became more aware that Jesus sits at the right hand of God, and his work now is to intercede for us. So when we pray for the people or things or the children that are on our heart, we’re praying with Jesus, who has the Father’s ear. That’s what it means to pray in Jesus’ name.

PATTY: Terri, praying for our children is a job that as moms we thought might lessen as they became adults. How, as a mom, have your prayers changed since your girls were young and now that they’re grown?


TERRI: I don’t really think that my prayers have changed because of their maturing, but they’re changing because of my maturing. I know more about prayer than I did when they were younger, and I know it because God has put obstacles and trials in my life as I’ve gotten older. Those are the things that have grown and matured me. How often have we said, “If I knew then what I know now ...” But the fact is, I didn’t know those things then. I have comfort in knowing that God does give children to imperfect, immature young people who haven’t learned all of life’s lessons yet. So he doesn’t expect us to do it all exactly right as we’re raising them. I do sometimes look back with guilt on the things I did wrong as a parent, but I don’t think God calls me to do that. It’s not a surprise to Him that imperfect parents will raise imperfect children imperfectly.

PATTY: Could you leave the moms visiting us today some advice about praying when it seems useless to pray? I know that there were times when I would ask you to pray for me, but honestly my faith was so wobbly, I didn’t know if we would ever have a breakthrough. What sort of encouragement do you have for moms who might feel like giving up as the official prayer covering over their kids?

TERRI: There have been times when it’s seemed that my prayers were hitting a stone ceiling. That’s why I wrote about unanswered prayer in Dawn’s Light. The parents in that book are praying for a child who’s been injured and lies comatose, and they wrestle earnestly in prayer for her. In Christendom, we like to talk about praying in faith, asking and receiving, seeking Him first and God giving us the desires of our heart ... But what about those times when you pray for someone’s healing and they die? Or when you ask for someone’s salvation year after year, and they continue to reject Him? What do you do when the results of your prayers weaken your faith rather than strengthening them? That does happen. So I read everything I could get my hands on about prayer, and had the father in the book doing the same. And I came to a realization that I allowed my characters to come to. That God’s purposes are like a beautiful symphony. We want to be in on His will; we want to join in His work. But when we try to join in with our squeaky little violin, we wind up playing “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” while He’s playing Beethoven’s 5th.

PATTY: That's a gorgeous example, Terri.

TERRI: His symphony continues even when we’re way off. Eventually, if we continue to pray and practice and listen and learn, we begin to play along in the right key, the right song, and then it’s all clear to us. God was doing something we didn’t understand. He had a purpose so much greater than what we could fathom.

I think we need to go to God knowing that’s happening, understanding that God is doing a work in our children’s lives that we aren’t attuned to just yet. We may not see His direction, or hear His symphony, but it’s playing nonetheless. So we keep going to Him and trusting that He’s working, and praying and reflecting and listening and learning. Our prayers are being heard and acted upon. And one day we will see the results.

I think prayer is the hardest work of the Christian life, and it’s the part that Satan attacks the most. In fact, Satan is extremely successful at distracting us from this. But prayer is the key to the Christian life. It’s the way we abide in Christ, and the way we partake of the atonement. Without a powerful prayer life, we’re missing out on all of what God has for us.

Patty, thanks for asking me to explore this issue with you this week. It’s been providential. I think the Lord used it to remind me of my resolution, and to give me a jump-start so that I would keep it this year.

PATTY: No, Sister, thank you! What a wonderful way to finish off our week-long discussion on prayer.

If today was your first visit to Ask the Experts Week, just scroll down and enjoy the feast. I'm still getting a lot of emails. Great, but please do take a moment and post here so that the authors are encouraged by your words to go.

Have a great weekend and an awesome day of celebration and worship to the One who gave us His Words and told us "go!"

In Search of Thanksgiving

(Part two of a three part holiday saga)

The day, overcast and gray, reflected the undercurrent of our emotions. We both refused to allow the tide of loss to draw us under. Our talk instead embodied our vision for the meal. Soon we would return home with the prized booty--sacks that brimmed with poultry, cranberries, and fresh thyme. But after a half hour of circling our little township north of Charlotte, we realized that all of the grocery stores had, without ceremony, closed up shop and sent their employees home to be with family.
The realization of my lack, my failure to prepare a traditional meal disappointed our two sons, aged twenty-two and eleven, whose ages had surrounded their middle sister and who now had to learn to live without the sister in-between. Our missing feast stemmed from the fact that I had not come fully awake from my walk of grief. My usual take-charge vigor had stalled out months earlier. Whatever idea the boys and Randy suggested to me, I simply agreed, as though all I had to do was lift my feet and be dragged along by the current of their desires.
Randy, always the warrior of the desperate cause, convinced us all that a restaurant was out there waiting to nosh us with our annual share of turkey and yams. He prodded us out to the family car and drove us toward Charlotte.
By this time, the boys sat silent in the rear seat, glum and grumbling to one another about how poorly we, as family heads, had planned our holiday feast.
After we had passed dozens of dimly lit restaurants, a parking lot that overflowed with parked cars sparked a degree of emotion.
“Look Dad, something’s happening! Over there!” Our youngest son pointed in the direction of the parking lot of uptown Charlotte’s largest mall.
City cops directed us into the flow of traffic. We followed the stream of cars, not at all certain where we were going but glad to be in the flow of anything remotely smacking of life.
In the daylight’s melting candle, we had been drawn into a tree lighting ceremony. We watched the magic along with thousands of full-bellied families. On the lawn of the new symphony park, a children's choir serenaded us with tomes of “Joy to the World” and “Silent Night.” Just after the last ray of Thanksgiving light kissed the Blue Ridge Mountains good-night, a gigantic tree hidden by night suddenly shone with a million lights. It was as though angels had appeared out of nowhere to paste the stars among us. We smiled, warmed by the glory of children, electricity, and good will. For a moment we even forgot our growling stomachs.
I had finally begun to count my blessings when the broadcasting guy on stage shouted, "Hey kids, I'll bet you are all so full of turkey you won't be able to eat for a week!"
En masse, all of the bright eyed tykes shouted with bloated bellies, "NOOOOO, no more turkeeeey!" while over a foot away two Hickman boys groaned, "We're starving because our mom didn't cook us turkey."
Suddenly, the sky thundered like a hundred rockets. A hum of approval rippled through the audience as all eyes lifted to watch a spectacular fireworks display. The autumn night sky was festooned with lights that bloomed, glittering from fiery centers only to magically dissipate before hitting earth. During the extravagant finale, Randy led us backward through the crowd to aim us out once more in search of the phantom restaurant.
Back inside the quiet of our minivan, we wove in and around the Christmas throng and rounded a bend. I blinked, not sure of what I was seeing. From the center of a shopping strip, we saw the sign--a modest neon light flashed open . . . open.
The boys shouted, "Restaurant!"

But it wasn't really a restaurant. Not really.